At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
