what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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