Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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