there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize