69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Farmville is her only friend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
