apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize