I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
