He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
