Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
