if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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