So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
