It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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