he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
