When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
