remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
