It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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