I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
