he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
sarcasm needs its own font
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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