Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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