Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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