I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
