Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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