Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
