i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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