my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
