If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
