You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
