You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
