1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
