12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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