All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
