I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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