My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Randomize
