Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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