mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize