We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
