Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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