Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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