What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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