Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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