I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
