I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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