What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
