Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
