Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
