I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
