You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize