they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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