so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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