I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
