filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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