It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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