Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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