Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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