I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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