dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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