At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
