I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she looked like the before picture.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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