so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
