i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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