U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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