so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
