Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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